Windy walk

Today my actual rambling recommenced, yes, I managed to get my bum in gear and after too many days off walked and ran the 5 mile route with the lovely Ms Womble. At this point I have to say I feel she had an unfair advantage, she was aided by horrendous flatulence, lovely. Now as I sit here thinking about the other little gems I need to share with, Mr Grumpy is letting one rip in the kitchen. 

What is it about farting? Why do some people do loud ones and others just little whispering whistles? Why do some smell and yet others are fragrance free? Most importantly, what is it about farting that reduces some grown adults in to fits of laughter and tears? And why are there so many ways of describing it? Farting, trumping, letting off, wind, blowing off, let one drop, dropped one, I’m sure there are more but that’ll do. 

I’m not sure why I feel the need to share this subject with you this evening but share it I will. At what point do we feel comfortable about farting in front of certain people? Are there people that you’ll never do it in front of or people that you’ve never heard do it? Anyone that knows my father will have heard him fart, and I mean anyone. I bet the butcher’s even heard him, he sees nothing wrong with leaning over, lifting his butt cheek and letting one rip, who cares if you’re in the middle of a restaurant? The funny thing is the reaction of those around him, if we’re at home, at the table or even chatting in the lounge, I know that my mother will immediately say “Wilfred!” in a very accusing tone. Mr Grumpy will immediately dissolve into fits of laughter and I will peg my nose. Oh how amusing that my mother acts all disapproving, but of course we know that she farts too. I remember going to have a third look around a potential new home and taking my mother with me. We walked in through the front door and straight away she let one go, “oh excuse me!” she said, like it was her virgin fart and she had no idea where it’d come from. It was only when we tried to leave that we realised we’d need respirators to make our way through the smog that still hung in the air, thanks goodness it was a vacant possession!

I know it’s natural and of course it’s better out than in, I have real worries about my mother-in-law, I’ve never heard her break wind in the 20 years I’ve known her, I’m sure she’s going to pop any day now... 

So why is it then that it’s such an amusing bodily function? There’s even an advert on T.V at the moment for gas engineers, and what are they using to promote gas engineers do you think? Of course, it’s a load of bean eating, farting cowboys around the camp fire. Well, I most certainly won’t be hiring one of them if I have a gas leak, for a start we have enough farts in this house without adding to them and there’s nowhere outside for them to tie up their horse.

Just so you know, I will fart anywhere I want and more importantly when I need, so please don’t think me rude and don’t feel special that I’m comfortable in your company that I’ll let one go. It’s wind and when you gotta go, you gotta go! Happy trumping!