Training Twitters

No run or even a walk today, in fact I've managed to run up and down the stairs at school a few times to try and ease the guilt but it hasn't really helped.

My mind is a real jumble of rubbish today, nothing new there, I hear you cry, but it really is. I'm one of those people that stew and worries, I don't want to and I try really hard not to but somehow it just happens. And so I find myself in turmoil because tomorrow morning I'm starting an eleven week course to tell me how to do the job I'm already doing. It sounds silly when you say it like that doesn't it? What's even sillier, is that the school are happy for me to carry on as I am but to be realistic and help me apply for future positions, I should really have this qualification tucked neatly under my belt. Now, here is the problem, I'm not stupid, just a little less confident than most, though for those that don't know me and only see me at the odd social function they might find that hard to believe. My school days were most certainly NOT the best days of my life, they were until the bullies stepped in, then school and the walk to and from it became my worst nightmare. I really want to name names at this point but I won't, not to protect them, but I don't want them in my here and now. So, my tummy is tonight in turmoil and I'm already panicking about what to wear, who will speak to me and will I look stupid. How sad for a woman of my age.

Quite ironically, at school today I had to go with some of my students to something called Human Utopia, an Heroes Journey. It's all about the choices the year 7's make now and how it affects them and others around them and possibly for life. Very good, I wish it had been in place when I was 15 and not 11 and without sounding cynical I hope it works. I'm sure for some it's the big awakening they need and that from here on in they will no longer bully, but as the leader of the course pointed out, bullying still goes in the workplace for some adults. Great. This then got me thinking about a woman, I use the term loosely, maybe miserable old cow would be better, at work. Another teaching assistant that likes to tell people at any opportunity about how she used to be a teacher... yeah, maybe of witchcraft... and how she couldn't possibly stand to eat her lunch with the children, gets far too much of them the rest of the day. Me, I find myself in the refectory with a couple of lads that ask if they can sit with me because they have no friends. Guess who I'd rather be.

Back to the old woman, she hardly ever speaks to me even though I always say good morning (check earlier blog) she appears to hate kids and loves to speak down to them, but saddest of all, she never smiles. In my book, she's a bully. I hate how the kids are scared of her, it's not respect it's fear and that's bullying. The kids in my lessons occasionally get "the look" from me and that's enough, they carry on working and we carry on being ok with each other.

So with all this running through my head and my tummy twirling, I think I've earned a glass or two of something stronger than tea, I'd just better not breathe on anyone tomorrow!!!