For Jacob

Today has been one of those odd days that really has made me sit back and think. I know I have a pretty good life and that compared to some I'm very lucky, but particular things today have made me count my blessings even more.
Sometimes I moan about the ache in my shoulder, or maybe how much my feet ache after wearing high heels all day, or if we're being really serious,the times when I have a bout of eczema or maybe a migraine. Yes, that's about as serious as it gets for me, thankfully. But today I have been reminded of others that have suffered greater misfortune than me. To put it bluntly, the loss of life.
I won't pretend I remembered the date, but I do remember the day. The day I came home to countless messages on my answer machine asking me to call the mum of one of my closest friends. I had no idea why or what it could be about. All I knew, was that one week earlier I had gone on holiday leaving her happily pregnant and ready to be a first time mum and that she was fit and healthy. Sadly, the news I came home to was that she'd been in an horrendous car accident and she had lost her beautiful, baby boy. Words couldn't express how I felt then and still can't now. Unsurprisingly, I remember the train journey to see her in hospital, the traffic being awful from the station, the photos of her beautiful son, the tears we cried together, I hope I was some support to her back then.
So here we are, 15 years later and the thoughts of that day still stir great emotions within me. I have had losses of my own, as have other very close members of my family, but today was to be a day that I suffered another loss, the first of it's kind for me. I lost a student.
I won't pretend we were best buddies or that I knew her better than anyone else, there are plenty at school that will do that. No, I will remember that poor little girl as a fighter. She was barely 4 feet high, had most things in life going against her, but still she laughed, never complained and even helped support her family in their day to day needs. She was a truly amazing little girl and regardless of her religion or the lack of mine, I know that she didn't deserve to die, as neither did my friend's son 15 years ago.
And so while I sat in a room meant only for staff today, (apart from the kids that have no friends so they eat with us), remembering this little girl, my heart broke completely. One of my Autistic boys sat sobbing but wanted to be left alone to digest the news, but one of his peers, another Autistic boy, walked up to him, put his arm around him and said "it's all right mate, I'm here."
I can't remember the last time I have ever felt so moved to tears, just that small gesture that we see so rarely in anyone, let alone teenage boys.

So for anyone missing someone tonight, I hope you'll join me in remembering the good times, think of the funny things that happened, the positive thoughts you shared and most importantly, the future. It's not easy, I've cried today but if we all remember that an occasional hug or a kind word might help, we'll get through together.